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Dear
Me
Letter to my 16-year-old self, inspired by
Joseph
Galliano's book.
So you’ve left school, dyed your hair black and bought those PVC trousers you weren’t allowed to have because they were “tarty”. A bold step forwards for the mousey teenager who used to worship ABBA … so why are you so terrified?
I know you were raised to think you had to grow up to be a wife and mother but believe me, that isn’t necessary. In fact, you don’t need to have a ‘partner’ of any kind if you don’t want one, pay no attention.
It’ll take you a while longer to sort yourself out than your contemporaries because first you need to go out and find ‘your’ people, but they are out there. There weren’t that many of them at school and there certainly aren’t any at that crappy job you’re doing, but you’ll find them. Stick with that job for now because it’s giving you a bit of money to go out and explore. You can worry about further education later.
Talking of school, you’ll find this amusing … in a couple of decades time there’ll be this new thing called ‘the internet’ (just go with me), you’ll look up the names of some of the people that the teachers said you should be like, and they’ll have done absolutely NOTHING. They’ll still be living in the same area, seeing the same people, married to each other and breeding kids. You’d rather die than do that wouldn’t you? Well, don’t worry, there’s no need.
I don’t really believe in doling out advice because you’ll figure it out sooner or later, but I will give you two big pointers:
1) Leave home as soon as possible, don’t be a fool like I was and stay there till you’re 23. You can do without the creature comforts – yes, it’s nice to have a video player and a stereo, but the sense of freedom you’ll get from having your own place is far more rewarding. Even if it’s just a little bed-sit – do it. For one thing it’ll stop those reoccurring nightmares; those black figures that try to choke you in your sleep are your parents. They’re good people but they’re holding you back, they don’t encourage you to express yourself properly.
2) On the subject of self-expression - the shyness. You’ve had trouble with it all your life and no one has taken the time to try and help. Later on you’ll self-identify it as high-functioning autism. Do yourself a favour, go to the library and read up about it; knowing what it is will make the world of difference.
Anyway, I’m not going to pretend it’ll all be plain sailing, you’ll have to take the rough with the smooth along with the rest of us, but ultimately it’s worth the while. You’ll meet some amazing and talented people who will support and inspire you.
You’re not going to take over the world, but you’ll have little victories, and you’re not going to allow the world to crush you either.
Charles Bukowski
