Pete Burns has had his share of problems recently, but he'll always
have a place in my heart. HIs appearance on Celebrity Big Brother
was my TV highlight of the year, and I mean - just look at him
- the man's a walking work of art!
to his looks have varied, Times writer Hugo Rifkind was moved to
describe him as "the sole reason why straight schoolboys in
the 80s were scared of gays." My mate Jelly, on the other hand,
sees him as "a very beautiful fish."
you may be thinking, how do I go about achieving a Burns look of
my own? Got about 15 grand to spare? Good, then off we go...
Arguably not his finest feature, the lips will be the focal point
of your new look. You can forget about collagen, collagens
for pussies. Petes pout is permanent Alloderm implants. Alloderm,
Pete claims, is the foreskins of new born babies. Sh'yeah, right
- its actually made from deceased skin tissue donated to a
skin bank. Nasty enough, in my opinion.
youre too squeamish for the surgery, make-up experts say you
can achieve a similar look by placing damp cotton wool along your
gum line to raise the lip.
Petes cheek bones would put even Cher to shame and give his
face an almost cartoon-like quality. To achieve the same youll
need a couple of silicon cheek implants
a budget, its possible you could achieve the same effect with
a couple of strategically placed boiled sweets.
Off with the eyebrows, you dont need them. What you do need
is a heavy foundation. If youre a stubbly boy with a dark
chin shadow, use Dermacolor from a theatrical supplier to ensure
smooth coverage.For the eyes youll want an opaque shadow and
a fine black liner.
your eyebrows back in with a pencil and then apply lipstick. Lots.
Theres no such thing as too much get slapping!
Pete claims to dress exclusively in Vivienne Westwood ('cept for
the antique monkey coat). You could probably pick up some similar
looking items at a charity shop.
It's off to the tranny shop if you're blessed with ample trotters.
Pete wears high heels AT ALL TIMES.
Your celebrity look is almost complete. All that's required is a
selection of wigs, tattoos, a scouse accent and a withering glare.